I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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