Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
