It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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