I got chris browned last night
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
