Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
