she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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