Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
