i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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