Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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