i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
