Quick, to the slutcave!
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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