The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
