i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
