Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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