genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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