I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
