Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
