Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
