I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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