At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize