you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
