ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
