I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I think pants incapable of making pants work
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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