Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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