they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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