You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
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