he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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