I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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