I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
