Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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