official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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