I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
