I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
