can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
