ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
