She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize