The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
