Well douche your snatch and let's go!
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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