You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize