Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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