There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
