She's JV to your varsity
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Randomize
