im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
