What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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