Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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