Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
