She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize