i permit you to call me
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
