Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
