HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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