she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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