some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
