He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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