he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
