I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
