this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Randomize
