Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
this is an emotional support booty call
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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