today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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