Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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