Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
