i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
