coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
