i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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