They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
