I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
