they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize