An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
