He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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