I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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