god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
