True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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