She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize