He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
