a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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