I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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