Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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