i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
