we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize