How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
