Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
