i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
