i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
