the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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