It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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