I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
