The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
