I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
