If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Randomize
