went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Come on in and take your pants off
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
