Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
