I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
