just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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