Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
