I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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