He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize