ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
