remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
