I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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