my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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