according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
