remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize