i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
