I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
