Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
