I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize