Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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