none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I want a musical about memes.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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