you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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