I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
