would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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