i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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