need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
