I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
