Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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