I just threw up on my dentist
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
