it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
