i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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